Programming Note: It's Saturday and a pretty light news day so I thought I'd mix things up a bit with this very special "Mock Horror Edition" of the Morning Blog. Hope you enjoy.
The socialist tyrant in the White House has pardoned a depraved monster responsible for the mutilation of countless pennies! Now this Moriarity is free to ram the streets, looking for more small change to scar permanently! Hide the children!
Looks like Pennsylvania will be joining the sinful bacchanalia practiced by the rest of the debauched world and permit the sale of beer in grocery stores. Hide the children!
Here's a shameful contest for godless secularists mocking the symbols of faith! For shame! Will no one save the children?
Driven purely by jealousy, the thuggish government of Spain has unleashed its military against beleagured air traffic controllers who merely ask that they be able to continue making salaries three times that of Spanish Prime Minister Zapatero! Where the hell are the damn children?
Does our litigious society know no end of avarice? The Boring lawsuit against Google has concluded. The Boring family has crippled the august company with a massive, punitive fine amounting to no less than an entire American dollar! Hide the children from the Boring! And save them while you're at it!
Conniving scientists aim to end tooth decay! Dastardly madness! Tooth decay is the only thing that keeps our teeth in check! Without it, we'll be forced to control their length by gnawing on hunks of wood like beavers! I for one, won't have that in my America! Help the children flee from the oncoming tide of human-beaver hybrid monsters!
The evil corporate monsters at Nintendo intend to torture dedicated fans of the Undead King of Pop with the nightmarish droning of vuvuzelas! Is their depravity endless? Get the children some ear plugs and a legitimate copy of "Thriller"!
Oh...wait. This is actually legitimately horrifying. Sorry to ruin all the zippy fun we were having but a 14 year old boy is being held after admitting to beheading at least four people. At least?!?!? You'd think that's the sort of thing one would be able to give a pretty exact figure on...Get the children the hell away from me!
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