Saturday, May 14, 2011

The Morning Blog, "Where've You Been?" Edition

Sorry guys, I've been absent the past couple of days. On Thursday, I really just didn't feel up to writing. Or reading. Or handling any sort of basic hygiene. Mostly, I felt up to sitting on my couch and playing video games. I recommend it. Most invigorating. Friday, there seemed to be some sort of issue with Blogger. Nobody was able to post anything. By the time the problem got resolved, I had to go to work, so nothing that day either. I did bookmark a few articles that intrigued me yesterday so pardon me if a few of these links seem a bit dated to your jaded internet eyes.

Are you cursed by a hideous, endlessly yapping rat? Perhaps a neighbor, friend or family member has one? Perhaps they even have the temerity to refer to the creature as a dog? Maybe they even call it by some fancy term such as "Mexican Annoyance Hound", "Southern Rodent Cur" or even "Chihuahua"? Anyways, as testament to humans genetic need to make everything useful, it turns out that you can race the little bastards. Whether one can do it for fun or profit remains to be seen. They don't seem to be very competent at it when all is said and done. Perhaps they would be inspired to run with greater speed if they were set aflame?

Geoff Bait: Speaking of yapping curs, I see that it's nearly National Dog Bite Prevention Week. A good first step in preventing dog bites is to keep in mind this simple rule: Bacon is for eating. Not for wearing.

And speaking of small, noisy animals: Britain soldiers on once again as it is besieged by foreign invaders. This time, by parakeets. With luck, the parakeets are not adherents of any nationalist or racist philosophies though being birds, I'm sure they can goose-step with the best of them.

Not to kick the UK when they're down but I'm sure that this has to fulfill some biblical prophecy or another. Turns out that in addition to the parakeets, they're also plagued with voles. Repent o United Kingdom or surely, thou shalt be pestered by wee beasties!

In fairness, other countries are going to the birds.

2012 Watch: Oh, how I wish the Republicans would field a decent candidate. I truly do. The chances of me voting Republican are always slim because I'm generally revolted by their social policies. But I want to at least feel as though I have a choice. At this point, it's only sensible to count Donald "I Am Not Amused" Trump out of the race. Meanwhile Newt Gingrich (a rare but terrible, wasting disease afflicting amphibians), plays fast and loose with the truth while raving lunatic; Michelle Bachmann-Turner Overdrive will think about running... if you give her fifty bucks. Sounds a bit like when you'd bet a kid to eat a worm in elementary school, no?

The current field, such as it is. really says something about a party when Gingrich (who all kidding aside, actually does have a resume), gets a lukewarm reception in comparison to Herman Cain, the head of Godfathers Pizza. Maybe people in the audience were just hungry?

Perhaps the party would improve if they'd start listening to their donors? Takeaway:

The newly recruited donors argue that permitting same-sex marriage is consistent with conservative principles of personal liberty and small government.

“I’m a pretty straight-down-the-line small-government guy,” said Mr. Asness, who described himself as a libertarian who favored less government intrusion in both markets and personal affairs. Mr. Asness, a frequent Republican donor, has praised Tea Party activists on his blog and last year attended a conference of right-leaning donors held by Charles and David Koch, among the leading conservative philanthropists in the nation.

“This is an issue of basic freedom,” Mr. Asness said.

True dat.

I mentioned in passing the other day, that a ten year old boy had shot and killed his neo-Nazi father as he lay on the couch. More background is available here. To me, it doesn't seem surprising in the least. Sure, the family had a lovely, suburban life but ultimately, it was a lovely, suburban life steeped in hate. Of course this sort of thing would happen. It's inevitable. I'm surprised it doesn't occur more often.

Speaking of terrible people, you now have a chance to purchase some of their terrible art. I have no opinion as to whether or not the charities that would benefit from the auction of John Wayne Gacy paintings should accept the money or not. What I do think is that it says something rather cynical about the art world. Awful art is awful art. Unless it's awful art painted by notably deranged people and then it achieves the status of "outsider art" and is instantly more valuable. That's nonsense. Nothing about a painting improves if the artist enjoys torturing children in his spare time.

When all's said and done, I prefer dangerous art to dangerous artists.

By the way, here's your chance to pay way too much money for a sweatshirt.

The dark competitive side of a "big, hairy love in". While I'm pleased to see that America is a powerhouse when it comes to follicular events, I'm sure it's only a matter of time before Congress gets involved and starts checking to see if any of the mustaches benefited from performance enhancing drugs. Is conditioner a steroid? Is conditioner even something one uses with a mustache? Inquiring minds want to know.

Is that a bear in your baggage or are you just happy to see me?

Sadly, I wasn't able to post about this yesterday (I blame the site being down on Friday the 13th), so... Happy Belated Birthday, Table Knife!

Fun Friday the 13th Fact: Did you know that it was first considered to be an unlucky day because it was when pretty much the entire world decided to go down hard on the Templars? Were you even aware?!?!?!

As troubling as I find the idea that you can be arrested for filming an on duty cop in a public place, I have to say that it pales in comparison to Indiana's Supreme Court ruling that citizens cannot make any attempts to prevent police from entering their home for any reason or no reason whatsoever. I'm not kidding. Really, that's what they ruled. From the dissent:

"In my view the majority sweeps with far too broad a brush by essentially telling Indiana citizens that government agents may now enter their homes illegally -- that is, without the necessity of a warrant, consent or exigent circumstances," Rucker said. "I disagree.

Thanks to the pinch hitters filling in for Radley Balko at the Agitator for that one, by the by.

Buy me this. Seriously, I think this is the most exciting bit of technology available to the average consumer to come along in...Man, I'm not even sure. When were cameras invented?

Yeah, yeah, yeah... Bin Laden had porn and so? I mean sure, it certainly reveals him to be a hypocrite. But c'mon people...Is hypocrisy really his greatest crime? Honestly, this is just pointless. One might as well write an article about Hitler masturbating. It's an unbelievably minor revelation.

That said, some of the names proposed for the pornos have been pretty funny. Best one I've heard is "Ankles Revealed Part 7".

Vanity Fair looks to some other things that might be found.

Pakistan's intelligence and military apparatus clearly failed in two big ways: First of all, they obviously had the worlds most wanted man living for years down the road from their premier military academy. That's embarrassing. Second of all, they were unable to detect or stop an American kill team violating their airspace and carrying out a mission on the ground within one of their larger cities. Somehow, their failures are our fault. We let them down? Seriously? I am certainly not a hawk when it comes to foreign aid. I think it's important for a variety of reasons. But if by "letting them down" they mean "the US spends billions of dollars on their military and civil projects" than I have to wonder if this isn't money wasted.

Wow... Thoughts? Probably not for the squeamish.

Sarah Bait: Hey! Here's something to read to my beloved, genius niece.

Kacee Bait: You know who.

Theresa Bait: You know who.

I am now certain that robots will rise up and take over the world. How do I know this? Because if you want to create an underclass of surly, resentful people, the quickest way to do it is to make them wait tables.

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