Meanwhile, a UN official pleads "Enough already! Cut it out!"
And in order to avoid a revolution of their own, the Chinese have taken decisive steps against the greatest threat to their ruling party. Already, the machinations of a foreign provocateur have been quashed.
Speaking of the Chinese...
Speaking of Communists acting wacky: What can you say about a political philosophy that faces a dire threat when citizens visit Disney World?
Anyways, it wouldn't be a news blog if I didn't mention Bin Laden at least once: The SEALs raiding the compound were obviously prepared for a firefight. With the Pakistani military. Awkward...
I think it's fair to say that the hysteria surrounding the use of drugs in sports has reached its nadir: Two Greek runners have now been sentenced to 31 months in prison for faking a motorcycle crash in order to avoid a drug test prior to the 2004 Olympics in Athens. Granted, the ludicrous sentence is for their equally ridiculous efforts to avoid the test. But seriously, the fact that there's an atmosphere around sports that compels athletes to go to these lengths is telling. I mean for crying out loud, it's not like they're golfers! Those people are completely out of hand and must be dragged collectively before Congress before the children are scarred forever.
In case you were wondering... Might be an useful skill what with gas hitting $4 a gallon.
2012 Watch: Here's a profile of "...a family man (and serial adulterer) who has embraced Catholicism and found God (let he who is without sin cast the first stone)" who's running for President. Specifically, it's about his relationship with his latest wife. Just to be mean, I'm going to say that she looks awful in the picture. That said, at least she celebrates Easter properly according to this Heminwayesque musing.
What if there was an election and nobody ran?
The rape case of a NYC police officer is getting positively strange. Though he denies ever having sex with the victim, he now admits to snuggling. Additionally...
During the first few hours in the apartment, over three visits, Officer Moreno said he counseled the woman about the dangers of drinking, held her hand, rubbed her shoulders and back, and sang Bon Jovi to her.
It's unclear whether standard police procedures called for him to sing "Thanks for Loving Me" or "You Give Love a Bad Name".
Dad of the Year.
Naturally, the best way to "experience America" is to go to the place with the fewest Americans.
Sadly, it will probably be easier for diplomats to get the the remoteness of Alaska than this bustling metropolis. Am I alone in thinking that this is rapidly becoming an embarrassment?
Rise of the zombie ants.
And if they don't get us, we'll surely be finished off by the robotic spelling champs!