Thursday, September 30, 2010

Lobster Story

I have a lobster story!

My mother told me about the first time my grandmother made lobster. Understandably, being presented with some sort of giant, sea bug would be a little disconcerting to any chef.

"Here you go Gordon Ramsay! Cook the hell out of this beclawed, neptunian hell beast."

Anyways. She messed it up.

The only thing she knew about it was that lobsters were prepared live. So she got to work on the monstrosities while the family sat about the kitchen table.

Everyone was waiting happily for a delicious meal of sea bug when suddenly....

There was a bang.

Followed shortly by another bang. And then a third.

And then more....

My grandmother had put the lobsters in the oven....They were banging on the door to try to get out.

I can imagine the lobster conversation:

"I say, Preston! The humans have put us in a little house. How kindly!"
"I agree Gary. This is indeed an excellent home for us. Did I mention your hideous claws look especially snappy this evening?"
"Thank you, Preston. I say, does it seem a bit warm in here to you?
"A trifle, yes."
"Do be a friend Gary, and go knock politely on the door. Perhaps the humans can do something about this heat."
"I say.....I say, may we have some spring water please? And perhaps some fans with which to waft ourselves?"

My mom has the most charming stories.

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